Put Your Arms Around Me
by AliceSloane13
Summary: Series of one shots (vary in length) of hugs between these two. They vary between hugs from the show and original ideas. Heads up to those of you looking for something completely realistic - most of these are fluffy enough to make your teeth hurt. So, you've been warned.
1. I Can't Breath Hug

_A/N: Okay, so, I know it's been a while. I know. I do. There is no excuse. I'm sorry. In the meantime, I have been working on all sorts of things. The only issue is that I'm working on so many and they're more in depth so yeah…. One day, hopefully soon, you will be getting all the words._

 _As, always, shout out to Johanna-002 and nofearonlylove. I would be more product… lost! I would be lost without them. ; )_

 **I Can't Breathe Hug**

I don't even know how I got here. Well, I know how I ended up in prison, but now I'm in the bathroom puking up bile because it's all that's left in my stomach. I'm sweating and shivering fluctuating between boiling hot and chilled to the bone. I just want it to be over or at least to be unconscious until it passes. There's no way that I'd be lucky enough to die while I was out.

Moments pass - I don't know how long. Suddenly, there's arms - pulling me away from the stall and dragging me out of the three walls I had become very acquainted with since I had been there. Whoever it is pulls me across the small room and props be up against the counter next to the sink. I struggle to stand up, but I can't even find my footing.

Sounds that I'm assuming are words radiate around me, but they never break through the haze I'm under - I probably wouldn't like them even if I could hear them. I have a memorized track of Marka's disappointed lectures running through my head 90% of the time - a stranger's words couldn't be any worse than that.

All I know is that there's a figure in front of me and she's taking care of me. I don't know or care who it is, but it's comfort I haven't ever known and that's enough to send me hurdling into her embrace terrified of my own humanity and afraid that the arms holding me close aren't real.

"I'm so scared," I manage to let the words spill from my lips. "I can't breathe," I say panicking. She hugs me close and urges me with calm words to match her own inhalations and my breathing starts to steady.

"You're safe here," she promises. Those words ringing in my ears like salvation. I take in a heaving breath and let myself slump against her and give into the unknown.

XOXOXO

 _A/N: I also should let you know that I have about five of these finished, so you'll get more words soon!_


	2. Sleepy Hug

A/N: Hey guys! So, several things. First – I really like this one and want to use it in something else or expand it maybe. I don't know where or how yet. I wanted to give you guys all an update because one you deserve it and two it may be a while before I post anything.

For those of you who don't know, I'm in Florida. We've got a pretty big storm headed this way and there's a chance of losing power from days to weeks. No one really knows how much damage until it gets here. So, who knows when I'll have the next update for you.

Anyways, it's short, but here you go!

XOXOXO

It was movie night. Something everyone in Litchfield was fond of. Even when the movie was shit, the room was crowded, and people were always making noise and moving around. It was something that felt normal. Metal chairs and an old projector shouldn't have been comforting, but for the woman inside it was a shadow of the lives they'd left behind.

Nicky had stumbled in late, navigating the dark sea of legs and chairs until she sunk down into the seat Red had saved for her. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. She didn't even bother to put her earbuds in, leaving them loosely hung around her neck.

She felt a tugging on them and turned sleepy eyes to find Red looking at her curiously - worried. Nicky shrugged and moved a hand to her mouth as she yawned. It had been a long day. Had it been any other night she would have gone straight to bed, but movie night was special. She could spend uninterrupted time with her family without anyone shuffling them along to wherever the COs wanted them to go.

Red pulled her own earbuds out and reached for Nicky's hand. She felt the younger woman squeeze it gently and pull it into her lap. She played with Red's fingers with a naive innocence that only showed up when her guard was down - only showed up for Red.

After a moment of Nicky's playing, she pulled her hand back and scooted her chair closer to the younger woman. "Come here," she murmured gently as she wrapped a protective arm around her. Nicky's skin was cold - blood pressure already dropping in need of sleep.

Knowing she should have sent Nicky straight to bed, Red selfishly pulled her closer into a warm embrace. As much as she cared about the younger woman, there weren't a lot of opportunities for her to coddle and keep her close. She'd send Nicky to bed in a minute she promised herself, already knowing that a minute would turn into the rest of the movies.

Nicky sighed contentedly as she felt Red's head tilt against her own. Their chairs shoved together weren't the most comfortable of settings, but the care Red always took with her when she was still and quiet was enough to make up for the discomfort. She wrapped an arm across Red's waist and hugged against her - closing her eyes in exhaustion.


	3. Needy Hug

A/N: Okay here's a new one. I realize the Mother's Day story was a bit long and I probably should have broken it up into chapters, but what's done is done. This one is quite a bit shorter ;) I also realize that there's only so much fluff that can be handled, but this series is going to be mostly fluff. My apologies to the angst seeking readers (that's coming soon!). Anyways, here's the latest.

Blame Johanna – 002 for both bratty Nicky and this story. It went something like this:

Me: Look at this funny thing on Tumblr  
Jo: WRITE IT!  
Me: …..  
Jo: WRITE IT!

And of course, nofearonlylove is always there to cheer me on and by cheer, I mean "Have you written anything new? Words?" : D

XOXOXO

Nicky stormed into the kitchen and climbed up on the counter to sit. Starring at Red, she huffed out an exasperated sigh.

Looking at Nicky with a raised eyebrow, Red waited for the younger woman to get to whatever it was she needed. When Nicky didn't speak, she went back to peeling potatoes.

There was another heavy sigh and Nicky crossed her arms in annoyance. She glared at Red, eyes boring into her in an attempt to let her know she was not happy. "Don't you wanna know what's wrong?"

"You'll tell me eventually." Minutes passed and there was nothing, but silence. Realized that Nicky wasn't going to open up to her, Red stopped what she was doing. She had thought this was just another fit - Nicky could be a bit of a drama queen at times - but maybe something serious had happened. "Okay, what's wrong Nicky"

"I don't want to tell you now," she answered, petulantly. Red had hurt her feelings so now she felt like punishing her. She didn't leave though - she just wanted Red to work for it. Red hadn't given her the response she wanted and now she was frustrated. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go.

"Nicky, I'm not playing games today. Tell me what it is or go find something to do," Red said. Playing foolish games like this was not something she tolerated and Nicky was not exempt from that. She knew better.

Rolling her eyes Nicky grumbled out a response. "I'm frustrated... and sad... and mad… and I… I just want a hug."

Red put down the peeler and walked over to stand in front of Nicky. "Alright Nicky, I'll play." She cursed herself knowing this moment would come back and haunt her. Nicky had just won her _I don't play games_ rule. "What's got you all riled up?"

Trying to look pissed, the corner of Nicky's mouth began to form into a smirk. "You won't hug me," she answered voice low in childlike neediness. One side of her mouth quirked up and her downcast eyes, slowly looked up at Red.

Red laughed as she rolled her eyes. Grabbing around Nicky waist she slid her off the counter and pulled her close. "You're a mess kid."

Nuzzling against her shoulder, Nicky buried herself in Red's embrace until she realized there was too much room to move in. "Both arms," Nicky whined.

Wrapping her other arm around her too, Red smiled in amusement. "Wouldn't it be easier to just come hug me?" Red asked, never understanding Nicky's need for dramatics - even though her own easily matched Nicky's.

"No," Nicky said shrugging, "I like it when _you_ hug _me_. It's different."

Red chuckled and squeezed her tighter. "How could it possibly be different?" It was hardly like she minded Nicky's hugs. The small affections they shared always brightened her day. She passively wondered why they didn't do things like this more often.

"Shh, it just is," Nicky said, squeezing herself tighter against Red. "It's different because …. Just…" she struggled with finding the right words. "I like it better when you love me."

"I always love you stupid girl." Red put a hand on the back of Nicky's head and rocked her girl gently in her arms. There would definitely be more frequent hugs.

"Love you too Ma," Nicky said, contently. She leaned against Red, letting the older woman support the majority of her weight. She stayed their absorbing the feeling of being cared for until she felt calm and sleepy.

A few minutes later, Nicky pulled back and beamed at Red. Her smile was full again and her eyes full of mischief. All signs of the troublesome toddler had disappeared. Red just shook her head in amusement.

Nicky bit her bottom lip and looked to the ground. "I'll see ya at dinner," she said and bounced back out of the kitchen as though nothing odd had just transpired between them.

Red sighed and walked back to her potatoes. Nicky was a mystery to her. She amused her to no end - at least, when Nicky wasn't making her crazy. It didn't matter though. Nicky had gotten what she had needed and was back to herself once more. Red hummed quietly as she worked, feeling lighter and happier just from those few moments.


	4. You're Not Alone

A/N: This one slides into something a little lighter. I feel like this is only a surface of a later conversation though and I may go into that later. For now, it's just about building a foundation to work with.

Shout-outs to:

 _Nofearonlylove_ – for reminding me that I needed to post something

 _Johanna –_ 002 – because I need to suck up to her in case I make her fail Brit Lit

 _A Star In My Universe_ – because she's an awesome and talented writer and never fails to  
review

 _Hollyhalebnichorelloregelolove_ – your reviews area always much appreciated

 _Boris Yelstin_ – I don't know what your story is, but you're always popping up with words of  
encouragement and you read all my stuff : )

 _Nnicholslyonne_ – even when you're quiet (although I know you've reviewed stuff in the past  
too and that's awesome) I always see you in my inbox with faves and  
follows : )

You guys are the best! If I missed anyone I'm sorry it wasn't on purpose!

XOXOXO

"So, uh, here's the thing. I'm gonna get clean." Nicky could barely look at her as she spoke, but she forced herself to bring her eyes up and meet Red's. She wanted to feel more than just guilt and shame.

Nicky remembered the cold-dead look in Marka's eyes every time she said it would be the last time - that she was finished with drugs. Marka had always looked at her with such a blank expression as far back as Nicky could remember. It wasn't just the drugs, but her entire existence.

Now, she longed to see that look on Red's face. Something hard and cold and unforgiving. The Russian prided herself on being able to put up such an impenetrable front and a steely gaze. That's what Nicky was hoping to find when she looked at Red. She craved it.

She had fucked up - again. She had hurt people. Nicky needed to feel that anger and scorn. She wanted to feel punished. She needed something to abdicate her guilt so that she could move forward from this moment. She didn't need forgiveness, she just needed something to launch (or propel) her into the next phase. She needed to hurt.

Red saw none of the swirl of thoughts running through Nicky's head - within the wide brown eyes all Red saw was the fear of a child who was lost - who was struggling to do the best they could despite their fear. Nicky knew better, but the little girl she saw in front of her, wasn't the same woman she knew on a daily basis. This was years of neglect bottled up and left to fester over time in unhealthy and destructive ways.

"Okay," Red said, as she stepped closer. There was no judgement in her tone nor any rallying cry to arms. There was just Red and Nicky.

Nicky stared at her in disbelief. She was met with nothing but worry and concern. Red's hands slipped around her own and Nicky's brow furrowed in disbelief. "No," she whispered, but Red was tugging her deeper into the office.

Despite shaking her head no, Nicky felt her body moving forward. She didn't understand why Red wasn't ignoring her in deafening disappointment.

"Yes," Red whispered firmly. As she sat back down in her chair, she pulled Nicky down with her. She slipped one arm around her back, steadying her and the other cradled Nicky's head in her hand as she pulled her down against her shoulders.

Nicky felt like clay in an artist's hands. Maybe in Red's case dough was a better image. She was pressed and plied and knead into whatever form the older woman wished. That was the only explanation she had for how she ended up sitting sideways on Red's lap.

She stayed still against Red, afraid that if she moved or spoke all of this would disappear. Even her breaths had become short puffs of air that barely moved her chest. She felt Red brushing her hand against the side of her head and down the length of her hair.

Red kept moving her hand through Nicky's hair, hoping to bring some calmness. She continued the pattern until slowly the tension started to melt away from Nicky's body. She felt the younger woman go heavy against her in submission.

Grabbing Nicky's hand, she brought it up to her lips and kissed the back of it. "I don't want to lose you," she admitted, hugging Nicky's hand to her heart. It wasn't often that Red let herself show fear, but it had creeped its way into every word she spoke.

Nicky didn't know how she felt any longer and she didn't know how she felt about Red's words. A broken sob slipped from her lips and she buried her face against Red's neck and wrapped herself around her. Pained tears rained down on the warm skin beneath and Nicky struggled to breath.

Needing to hold her closer, Red tightened the arm around her back and reached up with the other to rest against Nicky's face. She rocked from side to side trying to lull Nicky back into a state of calmness.

This was something Nicky had never experienced before. Was it empathy? Compassion? It was unfamiliar and that scared her. Why was Red doing this? Why was she receiving comfort when she had so clearly messed everything up? She had expected Red to shun her, not this.

"You're not alone Nicky," Red promised, understanding from the way Nicky clung to her that this was something Nicky had probably never received. Love without conditions. Maybe love at all. She didn't know everything about Nicky's past, but she knew enough to realize what precious cargo she held in her arms. "We're in this together."

Nicky pulled herself impossibly closer - almost clawing at the back of Red's shoulder with dull fingertips. She needed to be closer. "What if I mess up?" Nicky asked, sputtering out the words between desperate gasps of air. Now that Red hadn't pushed her away, she was terrified of losing her.

Red sat Nicky up and looked into her eyes. She stared at her for a moment or so until Nicky got her breathing under control and she was sure that Nicky was listening. "Then I still love you," Red murmured softly, "and we try again." She nodded until Nicky did the same. "Okay?"

"Okay," Nicky whispered. Her face crumbled from the amount of emotional turmoil they'd just been through. "You're getting soft Red," Nicky said, as she leaned her head against Red's shoulder once more. She took Red's hand in hers and played with her fingers as she wound down.

Red chuckled. "Unconditional love is not soft Nicky," she responded, kissing the top of her head. "Besides, Russian's don't get soft."

"Uh-huh," Nicky said, sounding totally unconvinced. "That why you have me sitting in your lap, like some temperamental over-tired child?"

Red chucked her chin. "You _are_ a temperamental child. Next time, I'll just send you to bed without supper and you can help Gina with the dishes for a month."

Nicky shook her head. "Nope, nope. You're completely right and always know just what to do. I applaud you for your hard work and," she hesitated. Biting her lip nervously, Nicky looked up and offered up a crooked smile. "... and your unconditional love. Let's just not make it too sappy Red, alright? It's new to me." Nicky shrugged awkwardly.

Red inclined her head in agreement. "Alright child of mine, get up and go find something way to stay out of trouble. I have work to do. After the lunch rush we'll make a plan. Okay?"

Nicky nodded and stood up, offering her hands to help Red up. "Okay."

Once Red was on her feet, she cupped Nicky's face and stared at her. She didn't speak, instead willing Nicky to see the devotion in her eyes.

As Nicky's face was released, she felt as though her cheeks were on fire. She headed out of Red's office, but turned on her heels at the last second. "Hey ma?" She paused until she had Red's attention. "Thanks."

"It's what mother's do," Red said, shrugging. She knew her words carried weight to them that Nicky wasn't expecting or used to, but it was time for her to start understanding that by being her daughter Red had expectations for her beyond following rules. It was time to heal and start overcoming those demons. She had family now. Real family.

A/N: I don't know when I'll get to it, but maybe they'll sit down and make that plan one day. I know it seems rather fluffy and there are things left unsaid. Most importantly – unconditional love is not a get out of jail free card. Anyways, let me know what you guys think. I have a ton of hug prompts, but if anyone wants to send some I'll see what I can do.


	5. Holiday Hug (Triangles)

A/N: Here's a delayed Christmas story. It was sitting there in my finished folder and I forgot to post it. I'm sorry! Please forgive me? I hope everyone had wonderful holidays. Let's all collectively hope that 2017 is a better year for us all.

XOXOXO

This story now fits into one of the universes that Jo and I have started. As of this time, here are the stories included. They can all be read as stand-alones or in the following order:

It's Better - Johanna002

Ginger Snaps - mine

This story

Covetous - Johanna002

XOXOXO

Nicky had been trying to figure out who had drawn her name for Secret Santa to no avail. She woke up Christmas morning, excited for the first time in years. She couldn't remember the last Christmas present she'd gotten. So what if it was only a prison secret santa - it was enough to get her excited.

By that evening her mood had slumped into one of defeat and depression. She didn't want to admit how upset she was, but she had gotten her hopes up for the first time in years and she hadn't gotten anything.

It wasn't about the present. It was about Christmas. It was about family. She still didn't fully feel like a member of Red's family and this inclusion would have been one more boost of confidence in her role. Apparently someone had opposed the idea.

She slumped back to her cube and almost missed the neatly packed basket with the silver ribbon tied in a bow, lying on her cabinet.

There was a card tied to the basket's handle and she read it slowly savoring each letter. "Welcome to the family honey" it read. There was no name, but Nicky didn't need one. She knew. There was only one person with enough power to welcome her into the fold.

"Well are you going to open it?" Red said, leaning against the cubes doorway.

Grinning up at her Nicky nodded. She bit her lip and tried to tame her excitement back to the level of a normal person. She didn't feel normal though. She had never had family and Red's approval had come to mean everything to her.

Nicky peeled back the cloth to reveal the contents. Inside were 13 scarlet strawberries. She looked up at Red with wide eyes. Strawberries had always been her favorite. It had never even come up, but without fail Red just seemed to know. Yogurt, jelly, milk - if there was a choice between strawberry or something else Red always made sure Nicky got strawberry.

"I have my ways," she said, with a wink. It was no surprise that Red had the capabilities of sneaking things in - she ran a complete black market of nearly anything you could want, but fresh fruit was something Nicky hadn't seen. Nicky knew she wouldn't tell her, but she had to try.

Red walked over and sat down next to her. "Go ahead. They're already washed." She could practically see Nicky's mouth watering. Chuckling at her enthusiasm, Red reached a hand up and ran it across the back of Nicky's head - smoothing her wild hair.

Nicky offered her one, but Red put a hand up and shook her head no. "Those are for you sweetheart." Her heart melted just a little at the blush that spread across Nicky's cheeks. It was obvious that she was enjoying the attention as much as the strawberries. Red was starting to get a handle on reading Nicky and what she was thinking. She didn't always understand her, but she was getting better at it.

Without any other hesitation, Nicky put the tip of one in her mouth. She nibbled at the end, trying to savor the moment as the sweet flavor sparkled to life across her tastebuds. She had to fight back a very undignified moan.

Halfway through the second piece of fruit, Nicky set the basket aside and turned to face Red. She couldn't hide the gleeful grin on her face. "How did you get them?" She continued to work on the half eaten berry that she was holding as she waited.

"I had them smuggled in, just like all the other contraband floating around this place," Red said, amused at Nicky's excitement. "You think makeup and chocolate are all my boys are good for? Nope, I had to hide it from the rest of the produce though. These weren't for sharing."

Nicky's eyes widened. "You got them for me?" she asked, voice quiet like a child in awe. No one had ever gone out of their way to be so thoughtful.

It was enough to make Red sentimental. She had spent many holidays and birthdays with her boys and never had they shown such appreciation for a gift - no matter how big or small. She grabbed Nicky's hand in hers and leaned forward, making sure her words were clear and firm. "Just for you," she promised.

She knew it was coming and braced herself as Nicky tumbled against her in a gesture that was becoming quite familiar. Instead of the few shy and tentative hugs that Nicky had given her this one was strong and confident.

It was the best Christmas gift she could have received from the younger woman. She tugged Nicky closer and felt tears against her neck. Red tilted her head against Nicky's and held onto her. "Merry Christmas Nicky," she said gently, tangling fingers in wild curls.

Leaving herself in Red's arms, much longer than usual, Nicky thought back on all the day had brought her. She'd been worried about not being accepted. Family was a foreign concept, but since she'd met Red it was something she longed for. This was what she wanted and even though it remained unspoken Nicky felt like she had gotten more than just an acceptance into a prison family.


	6. Family Hug

A/N: I know it's been a while... I have no excuses. Jo, this isn't your birthday story - sorry. To the rest of you... more is on the way once I finish editing them. I'm going to put a poll up on my profile about a few kinda-sorta-stories that I have. Check it out and let me know what you want. Enjoy!

XOXOXO

"Hey Red," Nicky said, scuffing her shoes against the floor. Standing in the doorway of Red's office, she awkwardly focused her attention on her boots.

Red looked up at the sound of Nicky's voice and pulled her glasses down off of her face. "What is it Nicky?" Her voice was warm and steady, softer than usual. It wasn't often that Nicky sought her out directly. Despite becoming family, most of their interactions just happened on their own. For Nicky to come looking for her, she knew something was up.

Nicky had been holding her hands behind her back, but at Red's question her left hand instantly moved to her mouth. She chewed on a hangnail as she tried to figure out if she really wanted to do this.

It was her last chance to escape this conversation. Once she started, Red would draw it out of her even if she changed her mind. "It's just…. I wanted to ask you something," Nicky said, as she squeezed the hand by her side into a fist. She hoped the gesture would hide the trembling in her hands.

Red wasn't sure what was going on. Rising to her feet she walked over and tried to cup Nicky's face in her hands. She was taken aback when Nicky shrugged away and turned her face away from her. She hadn't expected to see the flash of desperation in her eyes. Something was troubling her and that was not something Red was going to allow her to keep to herself.

Nicky didn't know what she was doing. She had come here partially because of the way Red fussed over her when something was wrong and now she was pushing those gestures away. Avoiding Red's gaze was the only way she could keep a little control over what she was trying to accomplish.

Red moved her hands to Nicky's biceps and squeezed. She didn't know what was wrong, but she knew better than to push. She pulled Nicky's hand away from her mouth and enclosed both of her hands within her own. When the younger woman put up no resistance she guided Nicky back over to the chair next to her desk.

She sat in her own chair and rolled it closer, bumping her knees against Nicky's. "You can ask me anything," Red said voice firm and reassuring. Once more Nicky pulled away and began to pick at the hem of her top.

Nicky pulling away hurt, more than she realized it would, but that only steeled her resolve to figure out what was going on. At the loss of contact, Red picked up a pen off of her desk and fiddled with it not caring that she looked anxious herself. This wasn't the time to worry about putting up a strong unphased front.

The only times Nicky shrugged off her affections where when she needed them most, but she didn't know of anything that was wrong. Life in Litchfield had actually been pretty mundane the past week.

Nicky chewed at her lip and tried not to let the nervous sobs escape. She was second guessing coming here and starting this conversation, but Red's tenderness and patience defeated any resistance she had left. There were no lies or excuses that could get her out of the conversation now.

Red took one of Nicky's hands in her own, no longer worried about letting Nicky control their contact. She rubbed soothing circles with her thumb against the back of her hand, needing it for herself just as much as offering it to Nicky. She smiled when Nicky tangled their fingers together, stopping her movements, but keeping her hand in place. That, Red knew, was Nicky making a stronger connection. "What is it Nicky?" she asked, voice a little more stern than before.

Nicky felt the air leave her lungs in shaky exhales. "I just... ugh…," she paused, and focused on the way her leg bounced up in an attempt to ground her. "Just forget it. Never mind." She started to rise to her feet. Red's fingers enclosed her wrist and she was pulled right back down.

"Nicky," Red coaxed. Whatever the question was it obviously mattered to the younger woman. She knew Nicky trusted her. She had done her best to welcome her into her family. She had tried to be there any time Nicky had needed her and even tried to be there when Nicky didn't need her, or thought she didn't need her. What could be so hard to ask that they hadn't already been through?

Nicky shook her head. She didn't know what she was doing or why she was even there. It was stupid and dumb and now she was embarrassed by the whole damn thing. Her features crumbled, as she tried to hold back her making such a big deal about it she realized she was just making it worse. _Idiot_.

Red knew questioning would do no good. Nicky could be as stubborn as she was. She edged closer to Nicky and slipped her hand, beneath the curls, against her neck. She pulled Nicky forward across the gap between them and into her arms. "When you're ready," she said, leaving light kisses along her forehead.

Nicky began to cry and just buried her face against Red's shoulder and neck. She clung with her hands curled up towards Red's shoulders as though she might lose her. She didn't hear the words Red spoke or notice the way she ran a hand against her hair.

She was lost in a familiar swirl of insecurities and doubts. Nicky's greatest fear was abandonment and loss. The logical part of her knew that losing Red was unlikely, but rejection was still possible. If Red pushed Nicky's request away it could change everything. That was something Nicky knew she wasn't prepared to face.

Red sighed, in frustration. It wasn't because Nicky frustrated her, but at how little there was she could do to comfort her. Nicky always seemed so resistant to help. Even this small amount of comfort she was allowing Red to give her was unusual. Not knowing what else to do, Red held her until her sobs broke and small whimpers were all that was left. "You ready to talk?" she asked, prying Nicky away from her grasp and holding her at arm's length.

"Do I have to?" she asked, offering Red a dejected smile. Red arched her eyebrow at Nicky, silently willing her to keep going. "It feels dumb now," Nicky admitted. She tilted her head to the side and let out a huff of frustration. She dropped her head as her resolve faded away.

It hurt to hear how fragile and nervous Nicky seemed. Her emotions were raw and tender and it was as though she was seeing the girl Nicky had never gotten to be, instead of the strong woman she took such pride in knowing. It wasn't that she was disappointed with this side of Nicky - it was just somewhat unnerving.

Red rubbed her thumb against Nicky's cheek and drew her face back up to see her eyes. She chucked the younger woman's chin, coaxing her into a smile. Red grinned in response. Nicky's smiles, no matter how big or small, always brought a feeling of peace and eased her tension. "Nothing you could ask would seem dumb to me."

"Liar," Nicky said. It was a small attempt at mirth, but still sounded flat. She huffed a breath of frustration knowing that it was time to stop stalling. She swallowed heavily and in an uncharacteristic move, Nicky leaned forward. She didn't even wrap her arms around Red - she just leaned against her.

Red was taken by complete surprise at the gesture and it took a moment for her to wrap her arms around Nicky. She heard her mumble something against her neck and realized that whatever it was, Nicky didn't want to look at her as she spoke.

It was cute in a Nicky-being-adorable-and-a-pain-in-the-ass sort of way, but no way to have a conversation. She sat Nicky back up and held her face in her hands, dropping her forehead against Nicky's. "Just ask me sweet girl."

Nicky put her hands on Red's and nodded. She still wouldn't meet her gaze, but it was a start. She took a deep breath and started. "You were talking to Caputo earlier and and he said something about your girls. You stopped him and said they were your daughters, not just your girls."

She didn't know where Nicky was going with this, but it was progress. Red nodded. "Yes. That includes you too Nicky."

A small smile creeped onto Nicky's face and her eyes searched out and found Red's. She had to pull back to get a good look at her expression. "Yeah?" She knew she had already become a part of the _family_ , but she had never been referred to as one of Red's daughters. It was not a general title applied to everyone, even within the family. For her it was the difference between being included and being wanted.

Red nodded and brushed hair away from Nicky's face. It was pointless to try and stop the feral curls, but it was just one more excuse to offer up a little comfort. "Yes, Nicky, really." She needed to be loved - so desperately. In that moment, Red knew that she would do everything she could to make Nicky feel like she belonged.

Nicky chewed on her lip and shifted her gaze, focusing on the letters embroidered on Red's smock. "Would it be okay … I mean… if not it's okay, but would it be okay if I um..," her voice trailed off and she sighed in frustration. She held her breath and tried to brace herself for the rejection that might follow. She wouldn't be able to handle it without falling apart if there was any. "Would it be okay if I called you mom?"

Red's heart burst with affection. "Of course! You're already one of mine - whether you want to be or not, but are you certain that's what you want?" She brushed a hand through Nicky's hair and scratched gently at the back of her neck. Nicky was so tightly wound that she hoped she could coaxing her back down into receiving her affections. The last thing she wanted was Nicky taking her questions as rejection.

Nicky nodded. Cheeks flaming with bashfulness. She didn't care, Red had already been more of a mom to her than Marka had ever been. Relief coursed through her muscles at Red's menstruations. The older woman - her mom - was looking at her with such warmth that Nicky hugged herself tightly not sure how to react.

Pulling Nicky back into her arms and this time onto her lap, she chuckled at how scared she seemed. There was an apprehension of how things might have changed. Red had been Nicky's security since her first night and she didn't plan on changing that. She rocked Nicky in her arms, as she spoke. "Okay, moya doch," she cooed.

Nicky nuzzled against her lazily. Now that the worst was over she felt exhausted. "What's that mean?" she asked curiously. Red slipped Russian words into her conversations all the time. Sometimes Nicky tried to guess what they meant, other times she just asked. There were even a few Nicky knew by now - mostly cuss words, but it always amused her to be able to pick them out. Especially when they weren't directed at her.

Red kissed the top of her head. "It means my daughter, Nicky. More than any of the others _you_ are my girl. Just don't tell them." She teased. She could feel Nicky getting heavy and knew she needed to send her to bed.

Nicky giggled and Red pulled her in tighter. "Really yours?" she asked, quietly. You didn't second guess Red when she said things. Red would be very blunt, but it was always the truth. Nicky just needed to hear it again.

"Yes, Nicky. You're mine. I don't know what this thing is between us, but from that first night I knew you were going to be important to me. I just didn't realize how much of a treasure you would be." She chuckled as Nicky wormed her way closer against her.

Red hesitated before continuing. "I don't take this responsibility lightly. I know that it's a big gesture for you." She untangled herself from Nicky, satisfied that everything was alright once more.

"Now off to bed with you," Red said, as Nicky tried to hide a yawn. She cut her off as Nicky began to argue. "Yes you are. I can see circles under your eyes. Go on now," she said, nodding towards the doorway. "I'll come by and say goodnight in a little bit… moyo doch."

Smirking Red watched as Nicky stilled briefly. There was so much hope and adoration in her gaze that Red briefly forgot there had ever been a time when Nicky wasn't in her life. Nicky bit her lip and nodded.

As she headed towards the kitchen, Red called after her. Nicky turned slowly brows furrowed in worry. She watched happily as Red moved towards her. There was no fear any longer. Instead she felt a giddy sort of nervousness as Red pulled her into her arms.

Trying to sound serious, Red couldn't resist giving her a little shit about the whole thing. "You were right, Nicky" she said. Nicky was adorable and she really shouldn't pick on her right then, but it was just who she was. Besides, that was the kind of mom she felt she needed to be right then.

"About what?" Nicky asked. She rested her head on Red's shoulder and finally admitted to herself how tired she really was. It has all been so emotionally taxing that she just wanted to be taken care of and sleep.

Red smirked and answered her. She pressed a final kiss on the crown of Nicky's head, before pulling away from her. "It was a stupid question." She rubbed a thumb along her cheek and told her she needed to go to bed.

Grinning at her Nicky nodded. "Goodnight mom," she said, testing the words out. "Mom," she repeated a little more securely. She watched Red nod approvingly and felt like she could breath again.

"Sladkiye Mechty (sweet dreams)," Red responded. She sat back at her desk and watched Nicky go. Too tired to even question what Red had said to her. Whether she understood her or not, Red knew that Nicky could feel the sentiment behind her words.

 _Mom_. She thought with a chuckle. It felt good. This progression had been instigated by Nicky based upon her own needs. Red had to admit that it filled her with a sense of relief as well. She hadn't just taken Nicky in as her own - Nicky had accepted that gesture and claimed Red as well. It was nice to be needed that way.

Coming from Nicky she understood how truly powerful that gesture was. Nicky had faced a lot of hardship and for her to ask for what she needed had taken bravery that Red hadn't expected.

They had each other now. Things would be okay. For the first time in a long while, Red felt a portion of the weight lifted off her shoulders. It seemed to wrap itself around her heart instead - reminding her of the responsibility she had just formally taken on. She could be Nicky's mom.

XOXOXO

Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Tired of me writing the same damn stuff over and over again? Let me know and don't forget to check out the poll!


	7. Why Are You Hugging Me? Hug

A/N: Two in one night! Go team :) Hopefully these little pieces will make up for all the things I have left in various states of unfinished. We're getting there people!

XOXOXO

Red was bossing around the kitchen staff, trying to get them organized to clean up dinner. It was by far the most hectic meal of her day. Inmates often skipped breakfast or sometimes lunch, but everyone showed up for dinner.

Rubbing at her forehead, Red tried to push away the headache. Feeling both physically and mentally exhausted and she knew her temper was getting harder to reign in. She hadn't slept at all the night before, making sure that the girl she'd found in the bathroom didn't have any complications.

Once she'd calmed her down and gotten her into bed, exhaustion seemed to take over and she was asleep before Red had even finished pulling her covers over her. It hadn't stopped Red from watching over her all night. Even when Norma offered to take a shift, Red had sent her back to bed. This was her job.

"Norma, Gina - you have this under control?" More than anything, she just wanted to call it a night. The Russian had been snappy and short all day with them, but for whatever reason they had ignored her temperament and gone about their day like usual. Both women assured her they did and she went to her office to lock up.

As she turned away from her office, she felt a thud against her side. There was a mop of strawberry blond curls tucked against her shoulder and arms encircling her waist with what felt like desperation. The younger woman's hair was still damp from a shower and she could smell the faint scent of strawberries wafting towards her from the wild mess of feral locks.

"What are you doing?" Red inquired, voice full of confusion and mild disgust. She didn't know why, but it reminded her of how her boys would always attack her when they knew they were sticky with spilled juice or soaping wet from the rain or faces covered in dried up jelly. It was the sneaky coming at you out of nowhere hugs that you had to be wary of - every mother knew that. She had expected her tone to sound sharp and venomous, but it came out weary and confused.

Trying to take a firmer grasp on what was happening, Red growled in frustration. "Why are you hugging me?" She wasn't an overly affectionate person by nature, even with her boys. Hugging was not something she was accustomed to, especially from random strangers who accosted her without warning. Pulling the other woman away from her she took in her features and her face softened a fraction.

This was the young woman from the bathroom. This was making at least a little bit more sense. "You're not looking too horrible," she observed, grabbing her by the chin. "You're not looking great either, but it could be worse. Everything still feels pretty rough?" she prodded, knowing that detox was not a simple one night episode. She'd seen enough girls come and go who had struggled with it at one point or another.

The younger woman stiffened and looked around with anxious energy. "It's bearable," she eventually responded. Her voice sounded small and timid, but it was obvious that she was trying to seem unphased and tough. The young inmate seemed embarrassed at how pathetic she must appear - how she had appeared. She wasn't used to caring what anyone thought, but something drew her to the older woman and she wanted her approval.

Red nodded and let her lips quirk into a smile. "You look much better than you did last night. You're on your way there kid. You've got a rough road ahead of you." The cook could tell the girl was intimidated by her. She looked like a scolded child.

She shrugged her shoulders and looked to her feet in avoidance of the penetrating blue eyes. "I just wanted to say thanks." In truth she had also wanted to see if this woman was real and if she genuinely cared or if it had just been a moment of pity. After asking around all day she had finally pinpointed who and where Red was. "It helped - not being alone. Sorry I was such a mess."

"You don't owe me any thanks or any apologies. Just stay clean. You'll feel better in the long run." The older woman paused watching her words resonate with the girl she felt oddly drawn to. "What's your name?"

With an uncharacteristic amount of shyness, the younger woman mumbled her response "It's Nicky." Her eyes darted up to meet Red's before she flickered them away once more.

"Nicky," Red said, drawing it out as though she was memorizing the feel and taste of it in her mouth. "I'm Red. If you need help ask. I don't tolerate drugs. I'd rather deal with your detox than having that garbage pollute any of you girls. We'll get you through this," she promised, assuring Nicky of her intention to keep her close.

Pulling Nicky into her arms, Red kissed her temple. Why had she done that was beyond her understanding. It had just felt natural. Not wanting to think too much into it, she gruffly shooed the newest inmate off to bed. She still looked exhausted and sleep would do her good.

Red caught Norma watching her in curiosity. There was a small smirk on her friend's lips and a knowing look in her eye. "It was just a hug. I'm not getting soft," she defended in exasperation. She wasn't even convincing herself let alone her friends knowing gaze. The Russian threw up her hands in resignation, as she muttered her frustrations out in her native tongue. "I'll see you in the morning, Norma," she said, squeezing the other woman's arm as she walked past.

Just a hug - from a very special girl, Red thought as she wandered towards the dorms. Her mind urged her to go check on her, but Red resisted the temptation. She walked by the group rooms that the new prisoners were always assigned to on her way to her own cube, but she forced herself to keep walking past.

She caught a tousle of curly locks out of the corner of her eye and stopped once she had completely passed the doorway. "Nicky," she repeated, the name thick on her tongue like there wasn't enough room for all that the name contained. Red shook her head with a grin on her face and a lightness that she hadn't felt all day and headed to her own bed to turn in for the night. It would be an interesting journey to see how this Nicky fared and she had barely begun to explore.


	8. You Are Not Worthless Hug

" _I just need someone to hug me and tell me i'm not as worthless as I think I am"_

 _XOXOXO_

A/N: Here you are lovelies. One more! Normally I try to avoid publishing multiple things at the same time - mainly bc I'm selfish and you tend to loose reviews that way and praise makes me happy and less depressed, but I haven't posted much over the past weeks and I've been shitty about keeping up with reviewing other people's stories (Star… Jo… that's directed to you) so hopefully these will double as an apology for that until I get a few minutes to sit down and take care of those with praise-worthy words for their amazingly talented minds.

XOXOXO

Nicky had been in prison three month the day Red first saw Marka. She had been passing by the visitation room and happened to catch a flash of wild curls out of the corner of her eye. She smiled softly - glad that someone had finally come to visit the younger woman.

When she turned her head, unable to resist seeing who it might be, she realized Nicky was crying and yelling angrily. Her hands moved in frantic motions as she spoke and everything in her posture displayed volumes of tension and defensiveness.

The woman in front of her, presumably Nicky's mother, was arguing right back. She however, seemed to remember they were in the presence of about thirty other families. A look of embarrassment flashed across her face as Nicky slammed her hands on the table. She looked around in utter horror trying to figure out if any of the families around them had witnessed the outburst. This was not how the Nichols Family handled things.

Red saw the tear streaks on Nicky's cheeks and longed to wipe them away. It seemed that anytime Nicky was in some sort of trouble Red found herself in a position to help her. She wanted to be there for her too. It wasn't out of some familial obligation. It was because it was Nicky. Since that first night they'd met Red had felt a tether to the younger woman.

Instead of heading back to the kitchen like she should have, Red stood at the window and watched. Eventually Nicky looked up and caught her gaze. She seemed to crumble under Red's attention and dropped her head in shame.

Nicky's mother followed her gaze and studied Red critically for a moment. Red arched an eyebrow at the woman - hoping to convey a warning that would encourage her to be a little less hostile towards her daughter.

Giving up, Nicky slumped back into her seat and refused to speak. With tentative movements, she looked back up to where Red was and bit her lip nervously. Her leg bounced with anxious energy and her eyes pleaded with Red in discomfort. She wanted out of there, like a hunted animal trapped in the cage. Red could see how defeated and exhausted Nicky appeared. This wasn't just an argument Red concluded.

Fifteen minutes later, visitation was up and the strip searches were almost finished. Nicky came out of the exam room and found Red waiting for her. As Red approached her, Nicky leaned away from her subtly. It wasn't in fear or because of anything Red did. She just needed to get a grip on herself and rebuild some metaphorical walls before she crumbled.

"Come on then," Red said, nodding down the hall. "You can come help me with dinner." She didn't push Nicky to talk - knowing how much the girl hated silence. Given a few minutes she would try and fill it.

"Marka," Nicky said flatly as they walked.

Red looked at her, studying Nicky's profile to see how she was doing. "Marka?" she echoed, in mild curiosity. She had already guessed the woman was Nicky's mother, but Nicky had cracked the door open and Red wanted to make her open it.

Nicky swallowed and nodded her head, preparing to start the conversation she hadn't been ready to have moments before. "Marka is my mother. As you could see, we're not exactly that close." Her own weak words made her teeth ache as she gritted them against each other.

"Lots of girls have fights with their mother's," Red said, trying to normalize the conversation on Nicky's behalf. She knew this was not a typical mother/daughter discourse. There was some deeper wounds that ran between the pair, just under the surface.

"Yeah, but-," Nicky hesitated, making excuses for the words she didn't want to say. They walked across the cafeteria and entered the kitchen. She had pointed out Marka's faults more times than she could count - the list ever growing with each passing interaction, but to explain them to Red. She didn't want to admit that she cared about Marka's opinion. She didn't want Red to see her so fragile. "... it's different with her."

Of course it was, Red thought. Nicky didn't seem to do anything the conventional way. "Tell me why it's different," she said, voice softening at how on edge Nicky seemed. She side-stepped closer to Nicky, not touching, but making her presence known. She was not leaving.

Nicky shrugged and her brow furrowed as she explained. "Marka - I don't think she ever wanted kids. She never wanted me, anyways. I've always been a disappointment and now I've managed to even exceed that."

"Why do you say that?" Red asked, curious as to what kind of actions could cause a child to feel that sort of scorn from their mother. As she waited for Nicky to collect her thoughts, she moved around the kitchen with specific intent.

Nicky hopped up on the counter and then looked sheepishly at Red when she realized what she'd done. Red rolled her eyes but nodded that it was okay. Getting scolded for sitting on the counter would probably only push Nicky deeper into whatever darkness this was surrounding the usually bright bubbly girl.

"She didn't believe me when I told her I was clean," Nicky mumbled. She picked at her nails, not wanting to know what Red's reaction would be. All she could think of was how it was all her own fault because she kept expecting something more from Marka. She should have written her off long ago.

Red stopped what she was doing and looked at Nicky with deep sorrow. She had become very fond of the younger woman and had watched her struggle with her addiction for weeks - months. Nicky had gotten clean, stayed clean, and seemed well on her way to a lasting recovery.

Walking over towards Nicky, she set the glass of strawberry milk she'd made for her on the counter. She put her hands on Nicky's thighs and waited until Nicky looked at her. "You don't have to prove yourself to her or anyone else. Nicky, you know the truth. I know the truth, so does the rest of the family. You've come so far and I'm very proud of you for it. Don't let her rob you of that because she's too blind to see it."

Nicky's bottom lip quivered and she looked away from Red. She had bottled up and carried around Marka's scorn and judgement her whole life. It was something that her very survival was based upon. "She said I was worthless." Her eyes started to water, but she kept going in the same sad voice that now coated each word. "Maybe she's right. I mean, just because it's been a couple months doesn't mean I won't fuck it up again. Before I got here, she told me how hard I was to love. That kinda shit sticks with you ya know?"

Red's heart hurt at Nicky's confession. It wasn't just the words and their meaning, it was the way her voice screeched in an unnatural pitch and her words ran together as though each one was trying to catch up to the last.

Grabbing Nicky by the hips, she slid the girl across the metal surface and onto her feet. Cupping Nicky's face in her hands, Red looked into Nicky's eyes with such determination. "You are not worthless," she said. She paused for a moment and let the words sink in. "You hear me?" she asked, shaking Nicky's head with each word. "You're not."

"Yeah?" Nicky asked, her water brown eyes showing tints of green as the tears broke once more. No one had ever told her that before. Not with such conviction. Sure people told her she could do better or that she would get there someday. She was just never enough. No extra stipulations or expectations. Red made Nicky feel like she could be still, like she could relax and breath. Not worthless.

Red nodded, knowingly. How could anyone make a child feel such pain? "You matter Nicky," she promised, knowing that anymore of an explanation would fall on deaf ears at that moment. Nicky's tears had become harsh sobs and it hurt Red to witness such a loss of innocence. "You are already whole honey. You're already enough," she promised once more, pulling Nicky into her arms.

Holding her there, in such a tight strong grasp, Red promised herself that they would have a more in depth conversation about this later. For now, she just wanted to let Nicky have this moment of absolution. After a few moments, Nicky pulled back and thanked her.

Red brushed off the thanks and grabbed Nicky by the chin. She smiled at her and watched Nicky duck her head as she smiled back. "Drink your milk. Then you can start helping me with the vegetables."

Picking up the glass, Nicky smirked at the pink tinted milk. She felt Red's eyes on her and tried to hide her grin. Red made everything feel so simple. Maybe she was right. Maybe this was just one more hurdle for Nicky to overcome. She heard Red - believed her even - but making that truth stick in her mind would take work. This was not something that could be fixed instantly. It was an old wound, but one she believed could be healed.

"Hey Red?" Nicky called out.

Red cocked her head in question. "Yes?" She was peeling the potatoes with a comfortable ease. Normally the rhythm calmed Nicky, but she was too distracted to focus on the movements.

"What's the date today?" Nicky asked. She took nervous sips of the milk Red had made her as she mentally committed to what she was planning.

"It's September 8th. Why?" Looking curiously at the younger woman, Red noticed a sense of calm that had seemed to settle over Nicky.

Nicky shook her head and looked down. "I just wanted to know."

September 8th, day 1, you are not worthless - you are enough.

Maybe other people wouldn't see it as impressive as staying clean, but Nicky knew that it was important. It mattered. Just like she did.

"Alright," she said, chugging the rest of her milk. She grinned at Red and with a new sort of energy asked, "What can I do to help?"


End file.
